It’s the usual after school atmosphere. I am with my friends, walking around the school grounds like always—while deciding where to hang out ter.
“Karaoke? AGAIN?!”
“Well…”
There goes Hina and Mai again. Although I will have to side with Hina though, we’ve just been to karaoke, like yesterday. It’s really fun to have them around. I can’t imagine my highschool life without them…
“Sorry guys…I think I’ll pass today.”
“Ehh? Whyy??”
I get why they want to know. But I can’t tell them, never. I will just leave at that.
“I’ve just been busy tely…”
“Call us if you need anything, okay?”
“We’ll try to help.”
I run—walking away from them. Knowing full well that…I am not occupied with anything, at all. Just busy thinking, thinking about st week. Yet, they’re still so willing to support me. But I thought about it, is it really genuine?
I have a happy life, that’s what people say—and what I feel too. I have a ‘pretty face’, great personality…and I am popur and stuff.
“Am I smiling properly?”“Am I walking with a good posture?”
With the sunlight acting as a spotlight for me, everyone’s looking at me. I usually don’t mind it, but I can’t really handle this right now. Whispers blend into white noise.
I am sweating a lot, my breath feels like it’s running away from me, while my every step feels unsteady.
“Hayasaka-san’s walking alone…”“I still can’t get over her adorable face-!”
These voices…they’re everywhere. Everyone’s eyes are on me, I can’t let them see me like this.
These noises…Tanna Japonesis, the evening cicadas cry—a lonely fading chorus. The scorching rays of sunlight only continue to blur my vision, but I realise something.
No one’s around, no eyes are looking at me. Just me and the fountain at the heart of this forgotten garden.
Lately, I can’t help but feel that maybe, I am starting to lose sense of this world.
Why did I have to be there, and see it happen right in front of me?
Why am I here again? Sitting by the fountain alone, this isn’t typical of me. I see something, the animals…they’re seeking refuge, from danger?
It’s the rain—a soft one, gently drizzling over me. My face is now wet—from the rain, or something else?
I am ready to give in.
I let the fountain wash over me, to wash away my thoughts…
Or maybe I should end them already.
Heavy footsteps interrupt my thoughts. Before I realise, I am completely soaked. My summer uniform is now translucent, my body vulnerable and exposed to the eyes of others…
Still, I couldn’t care less. I just don’t want anyone to see me like this right now.
“...Hayasaka-san?”
A soft airy voice, but clearly audible, even in the raging rain…It’s him. I wipe away my tears, but he probably won’t notice anyways. My tears are indistinguishable from the drops of rain that fell on my face.
One’s cold, one’s warm. That’s the only subtle difference.
“You’ll catch a cold.”
An umbrel reaches over my head, giving me shelter from the rain.
“I guess I’ll get sick then.”A forced smile, is he convinced by it?“You…probably shouldn’t”
He cares and talks a lot more than I thought…why?
“I look so…pathetic right now, ha…”
I almost let out a fake ugh, noticing his eyes filled with shock and concern. It’s no wonder he’s shocked, the ‘school’s goddess’ doesn’t usually look like this.
“The forecast says a storm is coming, why don’t we take cover inside…?”
Oh…He’s getting wet too…just like me. I can’t possibly leave him standing there.. He offers to lead me on, just when I lose all direction. I can’t help but follow him, where else can I go? How did he find his way to this ‘abandoned’ garden? Here I am, thinking I was the only one who knows about this pce…guess not.
The fact that he came at the right timing really scares me…
I would’ve done something reckless if he didn’t come.
While being busy in my thoughts, our steps reach a door. Curious, I look up to see a handmade board made with much thought put into it.
“Philosophy Club…”I mumble unintentionally.
“Well, yes this is the Philosophy Club…”He looks around, trying to look for someone…Then, turns back to face me.
“I’ll get you some warm tea.”
I nod as I find myself sitting in the club room. It’s quite old, but I find this comforting.
The same club room has probably been used by many other clubs before.It’s true—the rain doesn’t seem to stop. I guess I’ll reach home by dinner, hopefully.
Oh wait, what am I talking about? There’s no dinner there on the table anymore.
“Welcome home!”
Not that, either. No-
“Hayasaka-san…Can I say something?”
His sudden question could almost break the windows. I turn towards him nodding, expecting his next words.
“You don’t look too good…What happened?”
Wow…He’s using the same words I said to him that day. How ironic, that the roles have switched…How cruel.
“You’re probably worrying too much about me, haha…”
Of course, I won’t be telling him about anything. Not to anyone.
“Sorry for…asking unnecessary things.”
He brings me my tea, our eyes don’t meet. He’s not looking at me, yet he says I don’t look too good. That almost made me ugh but I am quick to realise something…
“Where’s yours?”“...Huh?”
He doesn’t seem to realise that I am asking about his absent cup. So, I pour one for him.
“Oh…thanks.”
I try to smile at him, but I can’t.
The room goes silent…Even the sounds of raindrop are deafened by the silence.
“Shimoda-kun.”I call out to him, preparing to ask him a question in return.
“...You know my name?”
“Of course I do, We’re in the same css, right?”
“Oh…that’s true.”
“Tell me.”
I hope my next words don’t scare him.
“What do you love a person for?”
Her words make my mind go bnk—
What is she talking about…? Love? That’s something I never truly knew about. What can I say to that?
“I don’t know…for their personality…?”
That’s all I can say for now. She looks troubled…her eyes scream anxiety, and a certain mencholy simir to mine.
“Is that so? Personality…”
However, the way she’s sitting feels so rexed—almost like I am just imagining things.
I probably shouldn’t meddle excessively in the affairs of others.
“Is that what you really think?”That’s the same question I want to ask myself. It’s something I know nothing about, in the past, present and in the future.
“Just stated a possibility.”
“That’s the way it is…right?”
Her voice is shaky, her sentences crumbling with each word that follows. I can’t help but wonder, what really happened?
“Yea…”
I look outside.
“The rain stopped.”
I point out the obvious, probably because I want to leave as soon as possible. I don’t have the right to be here with her. Not to mention what could happen if she got seen with me like this?
“Are you going home?”
Her voice starts to feel strong again. I notice her clothes are still wet—she can’t be seen like this, right?!
“Yea.”
I pick up my bzer and give it to her.
“Your bzer…why are you giving it to me?”
“You should probably…cover yourself.”
I can’t possibly say it out loud…I can see her undergarments through her wet clothes-
“Huh?”She seems confused, and looks at herself. “Oh…You’re right. I totally forgot about that.”
She accepts my offer, as my bzer is passed on from one hand to the other.
“Thanks…”
“Oh…it’s nothing.”
She wraps it around her making sure that she can properly cover every exposed part.
“You did help me the other day…”
“Oh, that day…But I really can’t thank you enough for today, Shimoda-kun.”
She picks up her things and prepares to leave, as I am left confused. I didn’t do anything to deserve her thanks though. It was just a cup of tea.
“See you then.”
I try to decipher the meaning behind that simple goodbye. What does she mean? Does this mean we’ll meet again…?
“Y…re..sa…d..h..ay..”
Huh? What is she saying? I can’t hear it. All I could do was look at her leave.
The scene of her under the rain is still stuck in my head like a pain, why did she do that? And why did I actually go up to her? As If I could be of any help to her.I should get going too.